Trying To Fight The In-between

When I found out Chester Bennington (lead singer of Linkin Park) committed suicide, I was struck with sadness. I think people asked the question ‘why?’ or ‘how could he do that to his family?’ Some even saying he was selfish. 

This pissed me the hell off.

When I was a teenager, I had no way to express myself. I was not close to my family in an emotional sense. They didn’t understand what was going on, and it was hard to explain. Now looking back o those years, I realize that I was dealing with depression. On top of raging hormornes, trying to define who I am, I was dealing with untreated depression. 

Music was one of my few outlets during this time. my music was heavily monitored, so any music that had cursing or anything explicit really, was off-limits. I was allowed to listen to Linkin Park, despite the screaming involved. I was able to identify with this music. I was able to see I wasn’t the only one who felt this way. 

When it comes to the subject of suicide, I have attempted it once. And trust me, the last thing you think about is being selfish by committing the act.

You feel selfish for living. 

You feel alone, incapable of being loved, you feel like you are in physical pain from sorrow, you feel like you are a failure, you aren’t good enough, you’re not perfect, you have too many flaws.

It would be better for everyone if I was gone.

Don’t come at me with how selfish it is when the person feels like it’s the ultimate selfless act.

Obviously, suicide is a horrible act that should happen. I’m not justifying it. But people who have no idea what it’s like going through something so painful, don’t need to judge. 

I hope Chester found the peace he so desperately needed.

-E.

*Update*

Guys, I have a new article up, check it out: http://twincitiesgeek.com/2017/07/mprs-cube-critics-is-a-great-quick-listen-for-movie-goers/

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